When we were boys
by annabirmingham
Summary: Modern day AU/AU told from Ennis' point of view.


**When we were boys**

I'd known Jack all of my life. Well, certainly as long as I could remember. He was one of the best friends of my older brother, KE, the other being a guy named Colin. They made an eye-catching trio back then: KE was blond, like me; Colin was a redhead with thousands of freckles; and then there was Jack, with his raven dark hair and piercing blue eyes. The three of them, Jack, KE and Colin, had been inseparable since junior high.

KE was five years older than me, so growing up we didn't really have that much in common. Being my big brother, though, I thought he was the best. I tried to join in and play with them when Jack and Colin came over, and sometimes they let me tag along. Usually I just got in the way and they would tie me to the railings outside the house and shoot rubber arrows at me while playing cowboys and Indians. It put me off John Wayne movies for a long time.

I remember one particular occasion when they were about twelve and I would have been seven. They had decided that skateboarding was the new big thing and spent hours practicing in the church parking lot across the street. I obviously wanted to try too and badgered KE into letting me have a turn on his board. Trying to prove that I could skate as good as them, I went too fast and couldn't stop before hitting the curb. I've still got the scar above my eyebrow today to show for that little incident. It hurt like hell and it took all my will power to not burst into tears in front of them all. It was Jack who took pity on me while KE and Colin were falling over laughing. Jack ruffled my hair and wiped the blood off my face with his shirt. He told me that all the best people fell off. It was the only way to learn, he'd said.

He pulled up his jeans and showed me a long gash on his knee. "See that? Got that falling off my bike a couple a years back."

Jack had a cool bike and was always doing wheelies and stuff, so I had sniffed and nodded up at him. If someone like Jack had accidents, then I figured it was ok for me to have them too. Jack was kind of a hero to me after that.

* * *

A year or so later, it had all been about wrestling. KE had seen some WWF on TV and, being a pretty big guy, had decided that he could do it just as well as the pros. Needless to say, Jack and Colin felt the same way. They would launch themselves off various pieces of furniture in an attack, rolling around on the carpet, twisting arms and pinning each other down. I was too scared to join in that game, but sometimes I didn't get the choice as one or other of them would chase me out into the back yard and tackle me to the ground, pushing my nose into the dirt. KE and Colin were always so rough and sometimes held me down until I cried – that was unless Jack told them to go easy on me. Mom soon put a stop to all that, though, when KE broke his toe trying to dive over the couch.

* * *

The summer I was eleven we went fishing at the local river most weekends. KE and the others were sixteen and seriously getting into girls. I could never understand what the fuss was all about. I always thought girls were a bit silly; talking about make-up, boys and other pointless things. KE, Colin and Jack didn't seem to share my opinion, though. I was sure that most of the time the fishing trips were simply an excuse to hook up with whatever local girls they had their eye on at the time. The girls were pretty shameless about it and would turn up in their tiny skirts, flicking their hair and making eyes at the boys. KE and Colin lapped up the attention and would frequently disappear off into the trees with a giggling female companion. Jack seemed to be pickier and didn't always take up the countless offers from the flirting girls. I thought he was the best-looking guy of the three, so I figured he could afford to be choosy. Most of the time he would sit on the riverbank with me and we would chat about school, TV and sports. The two of us would always catch the fish we took home to Mom for our supper. Needless to say, KE and Colin never went home with much more than a few hickeys and a happy smile.

"So, how's school going?" Jack asked me one afternoon. He was lying on his back on the hard-baked ground, baseball cap shielding his eyes from the sun.

"Ok, I guess," I shrugged.

"Got a girlfriend yet?" he squinted at me with a grin.

I gave him a mutinous stare. "No," I mumbled, "girls are stupid." I jiggled my fishing line, hoping something would bite so I wouldn't have to have this conversation.

Jack laughed. "Yeah, you might have a point there, kid."

"I'm not a kid. I'm nearly twelve, you know."

"I know, Ennis." Jack reached over and punched my arm. "August 25th, right?"

Jack always remembered my birthday. He was cool like that. He knew I liked animals so he would give me a stuffed dog, a wooden horse, or something similar. I had a whole collection in my room and never threw any of them away.

* * *

Another year later, when the time came around for the boys to attend their Senior Prom, KE panicked that he didn't know how to dance, and that was serious news. How could he hope to score with some girls if he couldn't dance? Fortunately Colin's two sisters came to the rescue and offered to help them out. The problem was that there were three guys and only two of the girls. We had no other available sisters so KE threatened to tell our mom that it was me (and not the dog) that had broken her favorite vase, unless I pretended to be a girl too. I didn't really have much choice.

I started off partnered with KE as the girls put Colin and Jack through their paces. "One, two, three, one, two, three," they chanted as KE attempted to waltz me in time to the beat.

"Ow!" I yelled as KE trod on my foot for the third time. "You suck at this." I glared at him angrily and hobbled to the couch to rub my poor toes.

"Here, swap with me," one of the sisters said, twirling away from Jack to offer her arms up to KE with a smile.

KE put his hands on her waist and gave her a flirty wink in return. "Thanks."

That left me with Jack. Great.

Jack hesitated a moment then held his hand out to me. "Come on, then." I didn't move so he grasped my wrist and hauled me to my feet. He'd grown a lot over the last few months and now topped me by a good four inches. He put my left hand up on his shoulder and took my right hand in his left, his right hand resting on my hip. "Let's get this over with."

Colin put on another record and the six of us stepped carefully around the room. At least my feet were safe as Jack proved to be a better dancer than KE. After a couple of minutes I began to relax a little, no longer fearing being trodden on, and shifted a bit closer to Jack. His hand slid further around my back and I could feel the heat from his palm burning through my t-shirt; his other hand warmly clasped against mine. I looked up into Jack's face and noticed he was watching me closely. Our torsos brushed together briefly and I felt a funny fluttering sensation in my stomach as I held his gaze.

Jack inhaled sharply and his eyes widened as he suddenly pulled away from me. "Ok, think I've got that now. I need a drink." He stalked off to the kitchen, leaving me blinking in confusion. What had I done wrong?

I didn't see much of Jack after that. The following weekend the boys all met at our house to ride together to Prom in the limo KE had ordered. I'd never seen KE in a tux before and I had to admit that he looked pretty cool that night. Really grown up. I didn't particularly like dressing up myself back then. I was sprawled on the floor in my baggy jeans and t-shirt, reading a comic, when KE strutted into the living room.

"So, what do you think, squirt?" he asked as he stepped over me to straighten his bow tie in front of the mirror over the fireplace.

I pushed up on one elbow to look up at him. "S'ok," I nodded casually, flopping back onto my front to continue reading.

"Only ok?" KE gave me a wink. "Damn, I was going for drop-dead gorgeous. I'm gonna break a few hearts tonight I reckon. Those chicks won't know what hit them!"

"Yeah, whatever," I muttered, not really interested.

KE just laughed. "Just wait 'til you're eighteen bud, you'll get it then!"

I snorted in disbelief.

A moment later Colin and Jack appeared at the front door and made their way into the living room. They were dressed in tuxes too. Colin waved at me and I raised my hand in return. Jack caught my eye and nodded briefly as he walked over to the mirror to fiddle with his own tie. What was it with guys and ties? I looked him up and down. He looked really good, even better than KE, with the black tux almost matching the color of his hair. I got the funny feeling in my stomach again and wriggled a little on the carpet to try and relieve it.

Jack looked down at me spread-eagled at his feet. "What you up to tonight, Ennis?"

"Not much," I picked at a loose thread on the edge of the rug, "just hangin here. Watch some TV maybe."

"Sounds cool," he said wistfully, "have fun."

"Yeah." I turned back to my comic. "You too."

A horn blast from outside signaled that the limo had arrived. KE gave a whoop. "Party's on, fellas!" They headed out the door without giving me a second glance; well actually, Jack did. He turned and smiled faintly at me before leaving the house.

That was eight years ago and I hadn't seen Jack since. Not until a week ago.

* * *

I was working my regular Friday night shift at Bar Barracuda, a not-so-classy establishment on the upper west side of Manhattan, when around ten guys stumbled in through the door. Ken, the manager, rolled his eyes dramatically and whispered to me, "Keep a sharp eye, this bunch could be trouble."

_No shit, Sherlock_.

While the majority of the group started dragging chairs and stools together, a couple of them came up to the bar. They were both wearing shades and black leather jackets. The fair-haired one waved at me. "Yo! We want nine – no, eight Bud Lights, dude. And a double whiskey. You do cocktails?"

"Er, maybe. Depends what you want." I gestured to the limited supply of liquor bottles under the neon bar lights behind me. "Not much choice I'm afraid."

"Oh, right." The guy lowered his glasses and peered over the bar.

His dark-haired friend was watching me closely, a small smile on his face. "Hey. How are you?"

Something in his tone made me pause. I blinked. "I'm sorry, do I know you?"

His smile widened. "Yeah. Yeah, you do."

My brain went into overdrive; there was something familiar about the guy, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. I mentally ran through a few possibilities. College? A regular customer? He looked like a totally hot guy and my stomach tightened a little in fear; was it someone I had secretly lusted after? Had made a fool of myself over? I shook my head to clear my thoughts and hoped I wasn't about to be seriously embarrassed.

My silence obviously gave away that my mind was blank. "Need a clue?" The guy pushed his shades up onto the top of his head. A bright blue gaze stared back at me. He raised his hand and pretended to shoot me. "Stick 'em up, cowboy."

He needn't have bothered with the cowboy thing; I'd recognize those eyes anywhere.

"Jack!" I said in surprise.

"Uh huh. The one and only." He leaned over the counter and stuck his hand out for me to shake. "How you doing, Ennis?"

"Good, thanks." I shook his hand. "You?"

"Yeah, hanging in there. Shit, man, it's been years! How's that brother of yours? Haven't seen him since last Christmas."

"KE's good. Working in Washington."

"I heard. Secret government stuff, huh?" Jack cocked an eyebrow at me.

I smiled. "Something like that."

"I get it. You could tell me but then you'd have to kill me, right?"

I cast a glance at the crowd of guys still scraping chairs over the wooden floor. "What're you doing here?"

"Bachelor party," Jack grinned.

"What? Yours?"

"Hell no!" He cocked a thumb at the blond guy at the bar next to him. "His."

At that point, the soon-to-be groom turned to me. "Screw the cocktail, dude. I'll have whiskey too."

"Sure, no problem." I nodded to the rest of his gang, "I'll bring them over to you if you like?"

"Cool!" Groom-to-be turned and trotted back to his friends, leaving Jack standing at the bar alone. I busied myself getting the drinks together, conscious of Jack watching me.

"So, you live here now?" he said.

"Uh huh."

"Me too. Well, in Brooklyn actually, but near enough."

"Cool." I put all the drinks on a tray and moved around the counter to take them over to the group. I stopped when Jack put his hand on my arm.

"It's ok, I'll take it."

"Ok, thanks."

Jack nodded in response. His eyes flickered over my face, pausing briefly on the scar above my eyebrow from that long ago skateboarding accident. "Real good to see you again, Ennis," he said and picked up the tray and went to join his friends. I could feel the imprint of his hand burning into the skin of my arm for several minutes.

The bar gradually got busier and I didn't get the chance to talk to Jack again for a couple of hours. I found myself glancing over in his direction on more than one occasion. He had to be about twenty-six now and hadn't changed much from the high school senior I had last known. A bit more muscle on him perhaps, but that was about it.

I caught him watching me too. Often.

A loud scraping of chairs signaled that the group were getting ready to move on. Jack spoke to the others then came up to the bar, eyes never leaving my face. "Can we settle up, Ennis?"

"Sure." I turned to get his receipt and slid it across to him. He looked at it and nodded, handing me a credit card. Our fingers brushed as I took it from him. Jack cleared his throat. "Hey, er, what time do you get off?"

I glanced at my watch. "In an hour or so."

"You got plans later?"

"Apart from sleep? No. Why?"

Jack glanced back at the group. "We're gonna be around these parts for a while. Do you want to come along? Have a few beers? Catch up?"

I was tempted, but shook my head. "It's a bachelor party. They don't know me. I wouldn't want to intrude."

"Hey, they won't mind. The more the merrier and all that."

"I can't, Jack. Wouldn't feel right."

Jack paused for a moment and bit his lip. Disappointment flashed briefly across his face. "Ok, but look, can I get your number? We should get together soon and talk about old times."

I couldn't see a problem with that – well, not a problem that I could admit to. "Sure."

Jack grinned and flipped open his cell. "Shoot."

The bachelor party left shortly after that and I watched Jack go with a pang of regret, but also with the feeling that I'd be seeing him again. Sooner rather than later.

I finished my shift at the bar and went home to my empty apartment. I'd just gotten through the door when I felt my cell vibrate. It was a text from Jack, asking if I was free to meet for coffee the following day. Seemed liked my instincts were right.

* * *

We ended up meeting at my local Starbucks just before noon. Jack looked a little worse for wear, but was still looking better than most guys I knew.

"Late night, huh?" I asked.

"Oh yeah," he replied with a grimace and scrubbed his palms over his face, "need caffeine."

We grabbed a couple of mochas and sat on some soft chairs by the window. We chatted casually about college, careers, New York. I don't remember much of our early conversation, as I was too busy watching Jack, or rather trying to _not_ watch Jack. I was fascinated by the way his long fingers curled around his mug, and how he always sighed and ran his tongue over his top lip after each sip. Since when did drinking coffee get so sexy?

"So, um, when's the wedding?" I said.

Jack watched me pick a lump of marshmallow off my rocky road and put it in my mouth. "Huh? Sorry, what?"

"The wedding. Bachelor party last night?"

"Oh, yeah. It's Saturday."

"Cool." I nodded. "So, er, have you got any plans to get married?"

Jack gave a short laugh. "Not likely."

"Why not?"

"Let's just say that guys like me don't get married. Not in the traditional sense."

Guys like…oh. I blinked as it registered what Jack was telling me. Damn. He was watching me closely for my reaction and I couldn't stop my eyes from caressing his face, lingering on his lips. Time to confess. "Me neither," I said quietly.

Jack's eyes widened and the corners of his mouth turned up in a slow smile. "Is that so?"

I nodded silently.

Jack lifted his coffee mug and saluted me with it. "Well, Ennis, I don't know about you, but I'd sure like to do this again sometime."

_Like I'd say no?_ "Ok," I replied as casually as I could.

We met up again a couple of nights later. Jack insisted on meeting me at my apartment, so I insisted on meeting him outside of it. We went out for pizza and I relished every second I spent with him, basking in the attention. It was an evening that ended far too quickly.

"I can't believe it's been eight years since I last saw you," Jack said as we walked back to my place. The streetlights were casting smoky shadows over his face, making his eyes sparkle, and I shoved my hands into my pockets to stop myself reaching out to him.

"Yeah, eight years. Damn, makes me feel old."

Jack grinned and bumped me with his shoulder. "Fool, I know you're only twenty-one. How do you think that makes me feel?"

I shrugged. "Old, I guess."

He snorted, "Too right."

We arrived at my apartment and we stood looking at each other, a little awkwardly.

"Guess this is me," I said and turned to put my key in the lock.

"Can't I come in?" Jack asked, stepping forward a bit too quickly. "Coffee? Nightcap?"

"Um," I hesitated, a little embarrassed about my small scruffy apartment, "my place – it's nothing special." I knew it was a feeble excuse, I knew what I wanted, knew what he wanted, and I was as nervous as hell.

"Like I care about that! Come on, Del Mar, where's your hospitality?"

I couldn't think of an answer to that, so I just nodded and let Jack follow me inside. I got us a couple of whiskeys and we sat at opposite ends of the overstuffed couch. Jack swirled the whiskey in his glass, the ice clinking as he watched me through lowered lashes. "What you doing Friday night, Ennis?"

My leg was bouncing nervously and I struggled to think straight. "Friday? Oh… er… working. At the bar."

"Oh yeah, of course," Jack said and took a large swallow of whiskey. "Well, I've got the wedding Saturday, but I'm free Sunday afternoon if you are?"

"Yeah, I guess so." I wasn't making this easy on the guy, was I?

Jack shifted a bit so that his leg brushed against mine. I inhaled sharply and threw back the rest of my whiskey and promptly started to cough. Jack laughed and leaned forward to thump my back. "Can't handle your drink, huh?"

"I can handle my drink just fine, thanks." I coughed again, tears smarting my eyes. "It's other stuff I have issues with," I muttered.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah." I shivered as Jack's thumping turned into a pat, then a stroke. His hand was warming my skin through my t-shirt and I was reminded of that time when we once danced together. My nerves were frazzled and I decided that enough was enough. I sat up to look him in the eye. "Why are you here, Jack?"

"To see you, of course."

"Why me though? I bet you're real popular, Jack. Don't you have friends your own age you'd rather hang out with?"

"Sure I have friends, but I'd much rather be here."

"Why?"

"Isn't it obvious?"

"Isn't what obvious?"

Jack shook his head with a sigh. "You've got no idea, do you?"

"What?"

"You, Ennis. You've no idea how damn attractive you are. How you've always been in my eyes. What you do to me. What you've always done to me."

"Oh." I gulped. _Guess that told me._

Jack leaned towards me and cupped my face, one thumb stroking lightly over the scar by my eyebrow. "Do you know how many nights I dreamed of doing this?" he murmured and leaned in closer to brush his lips gently over the scar. I closed my eyes and held my breath as my heart pounded, his lips warm and soft against my skin. Jack pulled back slightly and his eyes dropped to my lips. "Or how long I've wanted to do this?" He leaned in again and our mouths finally met.

I couldn't stop the moan that rumbled up from my chest, nor could I stop my hands from winding into Jack's hair, pulling him closer as my lips parted to drink him in. His tongue thrust into my mouth and he leaned forward, pushing me back against the arm of the couch. I shuddered as white-hot desire ripped through me. I shifted my legs apart and my hands dropped to grab onto his ass, yanking him hard against me. The weight of his body felt so good against me, so right. Jack's hips started thrusting into mine and he wrenched his mouth away, gulping in air, hot lips sliding wetly against my cheek. "Ennis, Ennis," he panted, "oh god."

"Jack," I nuzzled into his neck, inhaling his scent. Trying to control myself. Trying to pretend that I didn't want to devour him. Trying to stop myself from ripping his jeans off and fucking him right there on the living room floor. "This is madness."

"You're telling me," Jack laughed shakily. "Lusting after the kid brother of my best friend was never my plan."

"Really?" I kissed my way up his neck to his jaw, stubble rasping against my cheek.

"Hell no." Jack leaned his forehead against mine as he stroked my hair. "Remember that day Colin's sisters taught us to dance? Before our Senior Prom?"

I nodded. How could I forget?

"I wanted to kiss you so bad. The way you looked up at me. Oh man. I had to get away from you before I did something stupid. Scared the crap out of me."

My stomach twisted as memories of our youth washed over me. I was suddenly sad that we had lost touch and wasted so much time. Now I think about it we had always been close, always had a connection, and if I was honest I knew that something had changed between us that day. So many years ago. Back when we were boys.

But that was then and this was now. I pushed Jack away from me slightly and looked into his eyes with a smile. "So do something stupid now."

And he did. Let's just say that it was well worth the wait.

THE END


End file.
